Dave: okay i guess we should clarify that we didnt immediately start off as two dudes with some awesome duds and part time jobs and friends and an apartment
Dave: our beginnings were a lot more humble
Dave: well humble for a strider anyway
Dirk: Humble for a Strider and shitty for every other conceivable human being.
Dave: hey dude i wasnt the one with the bra on my head okay
Dave: i looked pretty functional
Dave: all things considered
Dirk: You tried to repurpose a pair of Converse into mittens.
Dirk: Yeah there’s really no way around it. We failed spectacularly.
Dave: didnt stop roxy from scoping our choice asses though
Dave: so at least there was a ray of sunshine in that shitstorm
Dave: thank god for crazy cat ladies
Dave: i dont think ill ever forget how i felt when it happened
Dave: it was some pretty fucked up shit at the time
Dirk: It’s such an odd thing, that we were in the right place at the right time to find such remarkable artifacts.
Dirk: If I were a more sentimental fucker I’d say it was fate or something.
Dirk: What was fate, though, is how much more attractive I am than Dave as a human.
Dirk: Poor scrawny kitten, never had a chance.
Dave: im sure its less that youre good looking and more that youre willing to bone anything with a pulse (and sometimes without one) that gets the humans knocking on your door
Dave: also fuck you
Dirk: Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, darlin’.
Dave: anyway we dont necessarily have to wear the shades to get them to work
Dave: just touching them does the trick too
Dave: except i dont want to be the douche who walks around holding a pair of shades so we might as well put them on
Dave: john as a cat huh
Dave: just watch hed be the first cat with no sense of grace whatsoever
Dave: but nah hes human
Dave: a plain dumb boring human
Dave: rose is too
Dave: that would probably be the day we found these bullshit magic shades
Dave: right
Dave: i mean all our memories before then technically qualify as cat memories and this dude specifically wants a human memory
Dirk: This “dude” to whom you’re so carelessly ascribing humanity is an automatically generated script running passively in the background programmed—and poorly, at that—to emulate the banalities of approximated curiosity.
Dirk: P. sure he doesn’t give one good goddamn how we answer the question.
Dirk: Put “fart” in there.
Dave: whatever bro
Dave: this shit is stupid anyway
